2013: Trimming The Fat

Holy crap, it's 2013! What the Hell are we doing here on this rock?! How are we still alive?! WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF GLEE???

Answer: None. It doesn't fucking matter.

If I was completely honest with why I am writing this blog entry, it's because I feel like I've let myself down quite a bit over the past year or so. Many people ask, "Why? You seem like you have a great life, you're getting your feet on the ground, making moves, enjoying every last minute of it. What's so bad about that?"

Honestly, there's nothing wrong with it. In the past year, I've managed to hold a full-time, benefits-paying job at a corporate office without completely fucking it up and getting shit-canned. I've celebrated two years with the same wonderful woman I met in a karaoke contest almost four years ago, and I love every minute I spend with her. I have an apartment with this beautiful woman. We have a cat that I've somehow grown fond of. I've met a great deal of friends through her band, people that I enjoy going to see perform, and people who have encouraged me to go perform on my own. I have a band with some talented musicians that I've always wanted to perform with, and other opportunities presenting themselves all over the place. In short, I have so much to be thankful for, there's really nothing that should be bringing me down, right?

In a sense, no, there really isn't anything that can bring me down. But, as always, there's that elephant in the room. For me, it's my weight. I have always been a bigger person. I look at my dad and some of the other men in my family tree, and it's pretty obvious that I come from a long line of brick shithouses. However, while all of them have made good choices and taken healthy steps to maintain their weight and their waist lines, I've been rather negligent. I drink a lot. I quit smoking, then started smoking when I was drinking or stressed, then pretty much just started smoking whenever I felt I needed it. I stopped exercising and eating healthy. I started letting the dollar menu dictate my lunch because I was too lazy to put a lunch together the night before. I've resigned myself to ordering out more often because I don't wanna cook when I get home from work. I've gorged myself at some meals without thinking, "Hey, Dan, you remember how you were weighing in under 200 pounds a couple summers ago? Remember how we had to buy all new clothes because the old ones were too big? WE DON'T FIT IN THAT STUFF ANYMORE, MORON!" Through it all, I blamed my weight gain on stress, quitting smoking, lack of money to get healthy food, et cetera. However, I can't keep doing that. I did this to myself. I made all these choices that ultimately expanded my waistline, gave me some stretch marks, and made me very uncomfortable with how I looked. That is my fault through my own actions, and this is me owning up to it.

I know that I will never be a lean, cut physical specimen. I don't really want to be. Instead, I wanna make myself into a healthier human being who can go out and run an 10 minute mile like I used to be able to, that can still do heavy lifting without feeling strained afterwards. I want to take the steps towards making myself a better person as a whole, and by God, I'm gonna do it! Consider this both my confession to the world and my promise to myself. I WILL be a healthy individual. I WILL make smart choices. I WILL become someone who does not feel embarrassed by who they see in the mirror. Most of all, I WILL not let myself down.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. Let's do the damn thing.