New and Improved RANT! Now with 10% more venom and hatred for humanity!

Ok, fucksticks, I'm back. Time for yet another rant, because obviously my attempts to kill my liver aren't working and it's apparently illegal for me to round all of you up and beat you like red-headed step-children. Seriously, you need more productive lives like a hooker needed a father-figure in her youth.

First off, PEOPLE WHO KEEP BITCHING ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS VIA YOUR STATUS UPDATES! STOP IT! You are seriously the laziest fucking people I've had the displeasure of knowing, and if I knew how to delete people off my Facebook, I would just so I didn't feel like pulling my eyes out of my own skull with a spork. If you're in a relationship, and it's not going too well, and all your attempts to fix your relationship have failed, GET OUT OF THE FUCKING RELATIONSHIP! It's not that hard! Common sense [and I know most of you lack it] dictates that if you know why you're not happy, and you can see the solution to making yourself happy, you should take that solution, BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

O. Instead, you spam Facebook with these desperate attempts for attention by either talking shit about your insignificant other, or by putting up music videos, and quizzes, and bumper stickers, and all the other shit that you can find that lets the world know YOU ARE NOT HAPPY. Guess what? Grow the fuck up and stop being a little pansy. Hell, I know I'm not the happiest person, but I know how to make myself happy, and get rid of the negative influences in my life. Stop being a little bitch, and grow a fucking pair.

Next on the list is the assholes who show up on Dollar Beer nights and act like everyone should know their fucking names. Guess what? It's Dollar Beer Night, and I don't care if you're a regular. Unless you're the owner, the bouncer who wants to kick my ass, or the bartender who is getting me my beer, go the fuck away, and stay out of my conversations. I'm out to enjoy my crappy beer, have a few laughs with my friends, and enjoy a nice night out. Instead, you assholes either randomly insert yourselves into MY conversations to talk about bro-douchebaggery that no one cares about, or you just stare at me from across the bar because either 1) The women I'm hanging with are hotter than yours, 2) Because I have tattoos and a personality, or 3) Because my friends and I aren't plastered in name-brands and designer clothing because we have some dignity left and aren't complete corporate whores. So, here's the deal. Either shut the fuck up and quit staring at me and my friends, or grow a pair and throw a punch. Either way, I win. Douche bags.

Last on my list is people who keep talking me like I'm their best friend, I owe them something or I've majorly wronged them. Guess what? I'm not going to apologize. I apologize to someone that I've truly wronged, and trust me, those people know who they are because I've actively sought them out to make my peace with them. Other than that, if I said something to you or did something to you, you probably fucking deserved it. Same to the effect of people acting like they're my best friend and we're all tight and shit. Get over yourself. I have some close friends, and only three best friends. Other than that, you're a casual acquaintance that I mostly enjoy the company of. If I have only hung out with you a couple times, that doesn't make us best buddies. If I constantly call you to hang out with me, or to go out and have some fun, that makes us close friends. If you don't fit those categories, you're just a friend, or a casual acquaintance, so stop overcompensating. There's a reason I never call you, and it's a damned good one. YOU GET ON MY FUCKING NERVES.

Welp, I'm out. I hate all of you, you're the reason I drink, yadda yadda yadda.

Peace
Love
Unity
Scotch

Skinhead Dan