Why men hate the vagina
By Dan Postlewaite
The vagina. Out of the many different parts of the female anatomy, this is the one spot that brings men pleasure. It's fun to look at, fun to touch, fun to... Well, you get my drift. But, it constantly foils our attempts to slake our carnal lust by doing very bad, naughty, no-no things.
First of, every man (and woman's) nightmare: the "time of the month." For women, it means pain, bloating, bleeding, violent mood swings, stupid cravings and surging hormones. That is bad, and I wholeheartedly sympathize with them. It really must suck, bleeding for five days and not dying from it. I bleed for two hours and I pray for death. But, it makes for a great excuse to get out of having to fuck your significant other, which is why most men despise it. Bad vagina. NO BLEEDY!
For men, the "time of the month" is 5 - 7 days of hell. In this time, we are verbally abused and forced to confer with our good friend Palmela Anderson for sexual comfort. We are also forced to be extremely careful in what we say, because, if caution is ignored, physical and verbal abuse, coupled with a nasty-break-up, can occur. Seriously girls, if you expect us to suffer through your time of vaginal bleeding, you'd better be giving good head or cooking us some damn good food, because to be honest, you are the biggest bitches when you're on the rag. Seriously, take your Midol, and Pamprin, and all that other shit that you need, grind it up, snort it, smoke it, inject it, I don't care. Just be nice to us, cause these dicks don't stay around when you make us frown. Fuckers.
Another downside to this most exquisite of sexual organs is the girls who are too scummy to take care of themselves down there. I have finally encountered such a creature. I have seen the top of the mountain, and it is terrifying. The limits of my bravery were tested when the doors to her bedroom shut, and I can honestly say that if not wanting to get anywhere near that evil cunt is cowardly, then I will gladly call myself the biggest pussy on Earth. Jesus, for the love of fuck's sake ladies, fucking shower! I mean, Jesus, it's not hard! Turn on the water, get out your loofah, apply soap to said loofah, and scrub away like you're trying to erase the stench of failure. FUCK! Seriously, girls are sometimes even grosser than guys are, and that's saying a lot.
Last, but not least, is the appearance of the vagina. While many women are going modern and shaving themselves bald in an effort to appear young and porn star-ish, some have avoided this to try and be like the hippy: au naturale. Au naturale is very bad. Do not go au naturale. If you decide to grow an asian afro in your pants, do not expect to get any oral pleasure. While we men understand that you don't like hair down there either, we have to keep a little bit, as to avoid derogatory remarks pertaining to homosexuality and trying to seem bigger. We try to keep ours trimmed for you, so we expect the favor returned. Plus, I really don't think any lady would enjoy kissing a man with hair in his teeth.
Moral of the story is: Take Midol, take showers and shave like a Russian man should shave his back.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment